Medic, I can't hold on?

Once one get into medical field, you'd surely be asked, 'how's medicine? Is it hard?"
Some people might nod, some people might say 'it's okay'.
I used both responses.
To different people.
At different time.

I used to say to people.
"No, I don't regret studying this." with a joking "not yet." added to the end of that sentence to make people think that I'm not egoism.
But now...

I have different thoughts.

Recently, this year,
I'm thinking more and more to myself, asking myself, do I regret this?

The answer, out of 99% is 'yes'.
Most of the time, I have this thought of 'giving up'.
But all the time, I rejected the 'pulling myself out' from this mess idea, because I still wished to think that I can do this.
I still wished to prove to myself that my future life is not as bad as what I thought...

Sometimes, I wished I had chosen a different thing.
I wished I had been more firm and more AWARE of what is happening around me.

But I was not.

And I doubted if I am out of it now.