My top favorite BL writers (chinese)

进这排行的是因为我喜欢她们的笔文风格,多数虐心,每一篇她们写的也很有保障。有些作者呢,只写一两篇经典文,我没放在这。

1. 风弄
2。蓝淋
3。黑色禁药 (从这起不计较排名先后)
4。苏特
5。易人北
6。lolovi

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Alopecia Areata - Unbearable journey through it

If some of you actually went back to my older posts and looked at my post, there was one post regarding my treatment journey to my alopecia areata. But that was just one, and I have never told anything more than that. Few days ago, I saw on newspaper a seven-years-old little school girl in Singapore facing the same problem as mine. It reminded me of my OWN 'baldy' past. It was horrifying. Here, I wanted to reveal my journey through this problem. How I found it, how I beared with all the looks and everything. I have to warn you, it was not a pleasant one.


What is alopecia areata?

Alopecia areata (AA) is a medical condition in which hair is lost from some or all areas of the body, usually from the scalp.[1][2] Because it causes bald spots on the scalp, especially in the first stages, it is sometimes called spot baldness. In 1%–2% of cases, the condition can spread to the entire scalp (Alopecia totalis) or to the entire epidermis (Alopecia universalis). Conditions resembling AA, and having a similar cause, occur also in other species.[3]
taken from wiki.

Signs and symptoms?
THESE are my own experience.
Triggers? I assumed it was my low nutrition = low immunity, and stress. Back then, I have a major stress, one related to studies, stress to THIS problem, thus affecting my self confidence and major depressive disorder that caused me to have countless suicidal ideation. It was a hard period. The first symptom that I noticed was one small 3 x 3 cm baldness at my right temporal region, above the ear. I thought it was nothing serious, that it will grow back so I let it be. Days by days, I noticed the amount of hair dropped and accumulated at the sinking cover after my shower growing more and more. It was nothing I have seen before, and even when I combed, there will be massive amount of hair dropped on the floor. I searched the website, knowing a normal person should not drop more than 100 of hair strands per day. But WHO the heck count one by one how many hair you drop a day?? BUT I know there is something wrong with me.

Besides having hair loss, I also felt heating and burning and itching pricking pain on my scalp. I do not know what it was, thought it was due to heat.
I tried all kind of methods suggested from website, changing COUNTLESS of shampoos, eating vitamins, stopped combing, but nothing works. They still fall. And then, I realized, ALL those suggestions were useless! They, the teenage girl who have only a few drops of hair fall, panicked over a freaking hair loss like they become bald doesn't even know what is the exact meaning of HAIR LOSS!!

As a medical student, (lucky for me), I know how to search out information and seek help. But, the wrong-est thing that I had done was denying it from the start, which I know is a normal thing because these reactions has been taught in our course. I had guessed it to be alopecia areata, and I had known it was perhaps best to see a dermatologist. And I had expected too as well, the treatment for it was injection. So, unlike my mother who came with me during the visit, it does not come as a surprise at all to me when the doctor diagnosed me with AA and took out the injection needle.
Back to the story,
During the third week, the fall suddenly went very bad. And it was becoming obvious that this is not normal for me. However, I still do not dare to seek help. Like most of the patients, we are afraid of what is about to come, afraid that it might be true. After two months bearing with it and realised that NOTHING works while watching it falls everyday, I finally went to the dermatologist with my mother.
I was told to come back every month for the injection of rogaine. took up vitamin pills everyday. That time, my hair fall has already spread to my frontal baldness, both temporal baldness which is no longer just one or two spots but has joined up to form more and more diffuse baldness. It was unimaginable, for someone who has never experience it.
Yet, the worst was yet to come...

Four months through hell
Starting from early September to end of December, it was hell for me.

I believed great hair, face, body shape, and skin are something that any girls would want and if they are born with it, congrats, they will and should treasure it. As for me, before this ever happened, I really love my hair. I don't have cute or beautiful face, nor great body shape, or milky but fairly good skin... my hair was like the only great element that I admired about myself. And you can imagine, when this one good thing become your most shameful thing, how your self-ego dropped over the night?

Aside from the shower hair fall, it falls when I eat, yes it's true! THEY stick on my pillow when I woke up. I used the word 'THEY' because it is not just three or four, but eight to ten, sometimes even more than that. Now let me ask you, if you're truely falling hair, how many hairs do you found on your pillow when you wake up?? After school everyday, when I took off my hair band, the hair falls. And showering became the most fearful thing for me.

I tried to put down hair at school. Because all the hair fall spot were above the ear, but those on top are all intact. Initially they can still be covered. But at third and fourth months, my close friends started noticing the baldness, especially looking at my frontal hair and knowing me. I started getting questions like 'what happened to your hair?' 'are you alright?' 'do you have cancer?' 'why your hair so thin?'

You know, first few months I can still tolerate them.

But in fourth until fifth month, it got really worse. The treatment did not work properly. My frontal hair baldness actually grew back after two months of injection, but it Does not stop my hair from falling. It was so serious that both my ears are out, my hair thinned, and the back of my scalp too has DIFFUSe hair loss. It was practically the whole head involved. and not even putting down hair or tieing it up work. No. More and more people started asking, and I was pressurized, embarrassed to the point of committing suicide. I walked in public/school and all that came to my mind are "dun look dun look, dun judge, gosh, they are all looking at me." I dun smile, I dun socialize, I dun share.  Looking back, I remembered several occasions where I had wanted to just stood in front of a oncoming car, jump from my apartment which is situated at 23rd floor, took out knife and just stab myself etc. I thought of how my life will go on, how my hair will become bald eventually if this doesn't stop, and how will I live in this world looking like that peculiar bald girl. I'd rather disappear. THoughts like these just ... ran their way into my mind everyday. 
But I dun have the courage to do all that suicidal things, thankfully. Again, I did not seek help, cause I naturally thought it was nothing. Just a feeling. But now, I know, those are serious symptoms of major depressive disorders.  


Putting that aside, I dun remembered how, but one or two months after that got worse, when I get my fourth injections, the hair fall started to decrease. What I meant 'decrease' is that it doesn't fall as much as previously. And that led to my mood changed better gradually when I noticed this good news. I supposed, with this mood change, the hair grew back together. After two more injections, I defaulted follow up cause all the hair had grown back out. I was super happy about that. 


Now, after one and a half year, I had a hair-length black hair, which I straightened three months ago. :) So, yes, it has improved. Occasionally, when hair fall, being the paranoid girl, I'll always took the hair and looked for any tapering ends. Some existed. but some don't. 
One side effect from that disease, my right temporal hair, seems to be lesser/thinner compared to the right side. I supposed I shouldn't be too worried about it, as the hair doesn't fall out abnormally when I pulled them. They only fall when I washed and combed hair, so that's the normal within 100 hair strands fall. :) 




If you're reading this, I supposed you either have this problem or have had friends/ family who has similar complain. Feel free to contact me, seek out help and I can help you through this. 

Sunday, February 19, 2012

All my favourite BL books and recommendations part 9

WOAH! it's part 9 already.. so here goes the list again!~

231.

《清风笑》


在遇见主人之前的事情,我都记得不太清楚了。
只有那天的小雨,让我视线一片朦胧。饥饿让我似乎从胸口都掏空了一样了。那一瞬间,我感觉自己已经快死了。
接着,一双黑鞋停留在我的视线里,从地上仰望过去,主人的雨伞,支撑着天空。
“想逃吗?”他低垂的头发,乌亮的竟然比他一席黑衣还要深沉。
我摇头。
我怎么会想逃,又怎么敢逃。
从有记忆开始的所有,都是这个人的存在,在我只有十三岁的生命里,他便是我全部的天地。离开了他,我甚至不知道要如何生存下去,而我又将为何生存。

类别:4P,3攻1受,主仆,纠缠,逃离,虐心,微虐身,江湖

很好看。。 
受是攻1的‘逃离’的奴役,躲过了三年,在那遇到攻3,最后遇到攻2,喜欢上他,但攻2一次又一次的欺骗隐瞒,目的是挤垮攻1,目的达到后,受悔恨,虽然还是爱着攻2,他找到攻3和他逃离,逃了六个月,得知攻2寻来,但愧对攻3,几经纠缠,终于和攻2在一起。
My rating: ☆☆☆☆




232.

《月河雪》

类别:2攻1受,主仆,纠缠,虐身虐心,卑微受, BE
受爱着攻1,但攻1不珍惜,攻1 在一场比试中把受输给了攻2,攻2 爱上受,但因为受长的像侮辱他的仇人,翻不下戒心,毒打受一番,受被那仇人救,后发现是自己父亲,但这父亲并没把他当儿子看待,反用尽心机利用受。攻1和攻2陆续找到受,但因身上的伤,性命为在旦夕,父亲给他药丸,延续他一年的性命。。。 
My rating: ☆☆☆☆

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Planning trip to Bangkok

Once I heard from a friend of mine when he was drawing a map for another friend on places to visit said this
"I like planning for trips around."

That.
And I came to realize that I myself love doing the same thing as well. :)

Well... where am I going?

We'll find out once I finished my trip.

This will be my first time going overseas. I'm so looking forward it~! n

Sunday, February 5, 2012

ACLS part 2

Since I wrote ACLS part 1 that I took the other day, perhaps I should write about the one that I retook. :)

I went to IMU that day, quite early to find out what time it will be hold and to attend my selective in the hospital that started on the same day. :)

It was a fruitful day, to be able to see my close friends after so long and to be independant (attend forensic apartment by myself) and to attend ACLS with confidence. :)

So this is the question that I got.

Patient came in with breathlessness, chest pain, suddenly went unconscious.

First thing CHECK responsiveness.
patient is not responding
Call for help.
Check pulse. (yay, I remembered!)
Pulse present.
So I said get my stuff to assist ABC by using oxygen mask. set up IV lines, get BP reading, and cardiac monitoring. BP was low. forgot how much..
The cardiac monitor shows 2nd degree type 2 heart block. (morbitz type 2)
I got it correct. :)
and so I said (to be safe) check for perfusion status. But if it's already type 2, the right thing is to start TCP right away. So anyway, perfusion status is poor, with all the symptoms going on and low BP, so I prepare for TCP.
while awaiting TCP, I'll start drug:
atropine 0.5mg every 3 to 5 min

then here's what I made wrong, forgot to check the effect. SO must check rhymtm again and pulse and BP.
it doesn't help
add in epinephrine 2-10microgram/min
or dopamine 2-10microgram/kg per min

check rhytm, the rhtyhm changed to ... shocking.. XD Ventricular tachycardia. (VT)
check pulse
no pulse
start CPR right away, prepare defib.
CPR for 5 cycles. no change, shock patient. 200 (for biphasic) and 360J for monophasic
and then resume CPR, check pulse and rhtyhm

pulse resume
rhymthm changed back to second degree heart block type 2

TCP was ready...
so leave to the professionals for that..
End of story..

that's what I got. :)
hope I pass this. :)

EDITED: passeddd! yay!


Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Yamada Ryosuke: Hidarime Tantei EYE


KYA, kawai, do you recognize who's the boy in the pic? >.<
Yes, Yamada Ryosuke from Hey! Say! Jump! Cute, he were biting his lips. This the last scene from his drama hidarime tantei EYE. He's always using a very serious troubled and depressing face thorough the entire drama. DOn't get me wrong, I totally love the boy with that serious look.


Yamada Ryosuke in last episode 

 And back to my topic, So, this is the only scene when he smiled so brightly that I had to stop and replay for at least 3 times just to see that smile! LOL! That totally melt me.
hmmm...........................................

Hidarime Tantei Eye Episode 6


why did I put such a long .............. there?
Reason is, for a long time, I never get why girls are so into Hey say jump, nor am I interested to find out.
In the very long due past, I watched jdrama because of certain pretty actress. Note: it's female actress. But now, I'm looking more on male actors. Okay, why did I keep on deviating from my talk..? Right,
Thanks to the recent event of finding out Yukito Nishii,
Pic grabbed from Yukito Nishii's blog




 I turned over to search for more his-age-alike young cute actors and I accidentally came across this guy, Yamada Ryosuke.

Episode 5 

Because his look in this drama caught my eyes immediately, (I think I'm a goner for guy with cute face, long thick straight hair with fringes.. T.T), and the interesting plot gives the story a more plus plus, this drama makes one of my top fav japan drama now. But, I had to shamelessly admitted, I fixed my eyes to this drama entirely on him. >.< oh gosh...

A bit review of the drama:
A detective drama.
Mystery, thriller, drama, and family.
A great combination for a drama.
The storyline came off very good, I think it's expect-able to be very good, considering that the writer for this drama is the same writer who wrote for Detective Conan.
All the cases were related, and the final biggest mystery is...
better not spoil you all..
The plot is interesting that makes your stomach twisted in knots, goosebumps all over the body when truth is revealed each time. Some moments where Ainosuke (Yamada Ryosuke) fought with his brother, and got depressed scenes because people were killed when he voiced out the truth touched me. I nearly cried.

But then even for me, after finished watching it just awhile ago, I don't like how the drama left in me.

It doesn't have a very mass effect of leftover thoughts. I think the last episode was the worst of all and thus spoilt it all.
I still do not understand what his elder brother intend to do by destroying the city.. the last few scenes were illogical as well (spoilers ahead!)

1. the stopping of the bomb with nitrogen liquid  (tension were less, where normally in the last episode, the tension and climax should be at highest, the bomb which he deactivated in the mall was even higher than this.)

2. the journey to his brother's aid (he was shot, for god sake, if he really want to save his brother, doesnt he know how to call an ambulance where all others has been doing FIRST thing in all the other episodes? even if he wanted to help the citizens, the first thing he had deactivate the bomb is to get ambulance. and yet he carried his brother until morning with all the movements and time wasted. of course he died! -.-)


but cause it's drama, I tried my best to ignore the illogicals..,
that's all for my plot review.



I loved his hair and his attire in this drama. His hair and look in Scrap Teacher doesn't suit my taste, probably because he was younger at that time. *check* two years ago to be specified, but for his sake, I'll keep "scrap teacher' on my next to-watch list. I heard lots of *love love* on Chinen Yuri, which until now, I don't find my interest for his peaks very high, at least not as high or higher if compared to Yamada Ryosuke.

Ops.. I just replayed that scene for another two times. XD Ops, did I mention that he bite his lips? yes, I did! Kyahaha. here's the pic for you!
Yamada Ryosuke as Tanaka Ainosuke. 
sceencap of the last scenes in Hidarime Tantei EYE
CUTE CUTE CUTE~!
*Melt to water*

Saturday, January 28, 2012

headache

It feels like the temple of my head is squeezing everybit into my mind.
It is aching pain.. 

Results from getting all tensed up for the ACLS I"m taking on Monday. 

Well, why tense up..? cause it's the second time I'm taking and I don't want to fail it again. 

I think I give lots of 'what if' situations when I'm studying the algorithm, and ends up with ' what if she (examiner) came up this... oh no.. what should I do?' questions. 

I know where I screwed up in last exam. When my friends were taking the exam, I can answer the questions that the lecturer asked them in my heart. I know where I should be going. but when it reaches me... 

I panicked, kept my mind focused on the second part of 'getting the bp set, oxygen mask, iv lines' cause I scared that I might forget. THAT leads me to forget the straight away thing after checking responsiveness and call for help is check pulse.. 
A total wrong right from the start and I lose all the confidence.  

she says no pulse. 
start cpr immediately.
get defib, give oxygen bag mask, set up iv lines, and cardiac monitoring. This is where it should come.
the cardiac monitor shows this:

the second part I get wrong, is I didn't figure out it's a PEA activity. 



the screen shows sinus tachycardia. 

the examiner looked at me saying "are you sure?" when I said 'shock' patient.. then I took a lot at the screen again.. I know I'm not wrong. It shows "sinus tachy." THEN after like 5 seconds of looking, the chart pop into my mind. only VT and VF is shockable. I was like.. 'OH HELL!!' and it's a 'pulseless' and so it's a PEA. should not shock the patient! this is non-shockable rhtyhm. 

continue cpr for 5 cycles and then add in atropine 1mg iv every 3-5 min. 
check rhtyme and pulse.
then she continued saying no use. no use for two times and I repeated my answer with atropine two times.. 

so what should I do? 

yes, investigate the causes..

I listed out the 5T and 6Hs. but took some time again listing cause I was panicking already.. 

I was all 'crap crap' 

then she asked me what's the most possible cause in this patient. 

pt is young asthmatic. 

I said "hypoxia"

what else? 

eh... 

what others in young asthmatic? 

so. then after I paused for awhile i decided to give it a shot since it's the only answer in my mind, so I said "tension pneumothorax"

correct..
so what should I do? 

needle decompression. 
landmarks?

second intercostal space, midclavicular line. 
and you'll hear a hiss sound after poking

then what do you do?

check rhtyhm and assess vital signs. 
take x ray

patient returned normal
pulse present.

yay.. then..? 
what did you do just now?

I think think back.. needle decompression... 

insert chest tube! 

take x ray. 
asssess vital signs. 

patient returned normal

monitor. 
post resuscitation care.


so the most important thing for me is not to panic..  and have confidence. oh well.. I got the most difficult twisted case.

I studied hard for this time.
I must pass this time.
I can be a leader when I want.

best wishes for me. 

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Kuroshitsuji Musicals 1 and 2 Download and Comments: Yukito Nishii


First Musical is named: That Butler: Friendship.
Ciel is by: Shougo Sakamoto.
Sebastian by: Yuya Matsushita

Download: http://aarinfantasy.com/forum/f218/t141178-kuroshitsuji-musicals.html
Sub softfile go to http://saeju12.deviantart.com/journal/Ohai-218368940
Ciel Phantomhive is busy preparing his manor for a ball when three new guests appear from Japan. As part of English hospitality, Ciel invites them to the ball. At the party, though, an unwelcome intrusion occurs, and it is the start of the mystery surrounding the three Japanese guests. (taken from kuroshitsuji wiki


First Musical is named: The Most beautiful Death in the world: Fallen Shinigami.
Ciel is changed to Nishii Yukito (probably because Shougo was too 'adult' to play Ciel anymore at that time? and his schedule was busy)
Sebastian remained the same.
Summary: read here

Comments on both musicals:

First Musical is more hilarious (Sebby-chan dropping utensils XD ), have more jokes.
Second Musical has more actions, less jokes, but lots of BL hints (kya!) even in the backstage videos.
Musics wise, I love both, esp by Yuya's and both Ciels' songs.

Comments on both Ciel:

1. Shougo Sakamoto as Ciel Phantomhive

He's cute in the musical as Ciel at same point, especially when he tried to *flirt* with Sebastian with his cane when Yuki mentioned his flute can exorcise demons. His way of speaking is fluent and doesn't seem to be awkward if compared to Yukito Nishii. The most amazing part that I love about him is his singing. Gosh, he sings really well and I totally fall in love with the song he sang with Yuki named Reminiscing by the window.


2. Yukito Nishii as Ciel Phamtohive

I actually watched the second musical first because that's the first subtitle that I'm able to find. (Quite hard to find the softsub english version.. took me lots of time to dig it up.) 
Yukito Nishii is a complete version of Ciel Phantomhive for me. kya! fangirl-ing squeal. 
The first entrance he made in the cage took my breath away. 
His act as Ciel truly brought out the child's version of seriousness Ciel should have. His face shape suits Ciel more as well. and I love how they put up the black smoky eyeliner on Nishii's eyes. XD 
His acting is really good. Why do I say this? 
1. 
I watched his backstage moments and the curtain call moment.
He is a cheerful person, a completely different person from the Ciel he's acting. 
He is quite shy and uncomfortable with camera on him when he's not acting, shown esp during the talkshow, he kept on playing with his cane, and backstage, where he kept on playing with his zip of jacket. 
He got really excited and smiled all over his face during curtain call. He came out to dance the shinigami dance, and I couldn't help stop, replaying it over and over again. His smile, his dance... awww.. He's just so cute! Ciel's dancing. XD 
2. 
I watched Confession, where he is one of the 3 main YOUNG actor and actress. By mean young, I mean all of them were just 15-16. He was the best actor acting psychotic and bipolar. He killed without blinking, carried his evil plan with smirks. Words just can't described it.
The drama won lots of titles. I can see how good the drama is. 

Though I have to say, if compared to Shougo, one thing is that his voice doesn't sound natural. Probably because he's soft usually, (or is it not reaching puberty yet, so his voice hasn't cracked. :P) and so during acting, he has to purposely lowered his voice to make it sound firm and serious. 
Nonetheless, his hard stare as Ciel is enough to melt me. he does give off the aura of a noble! :D

did you see the eyeliner?? XD

and he dressed up with the pink dress that appear in the anime! kya, look so cute and alike! 
And these are him at backstage

kya Yuya! what are you doing to Nishii!? XD so cute!
... ... ... um .. .. .. 
o.O

comforting. :D :D 
with Aberline
with sepai william and ronald
uwa.. he sticks out his tongue. XD this is the talkshow 

"kawaii... so cute that I want to eat him" said by Ronald. (played by: Yosuke Crawford) the one besides Ciel's left is William played by Nagaoka Takuya, the right is Aberlain played by Ise Nao.
Strange, I can swear I sense that Yosuke and Nagaoka take care of him very much. ^,^ 

So, yeah.. thanks to this musical. I'm officially Yukito Nishii fans. :) go Yukito Nishii! I wish you all the best for the future journey, and I'll keep an eye out for you! keep up the hard work!! Pray you'd be casting in more drama. ^.^

Another song from Kuroshitsuji II that I loved from this song is unmei (destiny) by Alan Humphries and Eric Slingby (played by Matsumoto Shinya and Taisuke Saeki) 
Their voices when duet together gives me upmost goosebumps.. It's soo beautiful! I can't 'tear' my ears away from it. so in love with this song. 

And although the song keeps on saying that they are friends.. we can see that what Eric had done for Alan were more than just friends. Eric turned into a fallen shinigami for Alan's sake. How is that possible between just friends? :P Though we all can't wait to group them up as pairs in this musical. Their story are just so beautiful! 

Although these two are not present in the anime itself, nor the manga I believed? but they are still characters created by Yana Toboso. Actually, they appeared in the OVA kuroshitsuji II, named The tale of William the Shinigami. If you don't purposely go look them out, you'll never notice them! Because they only appeared for 3 seconds in the OVA, to be specific, 2.51 their death syncthe, and until 2.56 where you will see Alan and Eric chatting away on the coach! I went like ... "WTF!" with their 3 seconds appearance. :D 

Yuya's singing again touched me. 
The first time when I see kuroshitsuji II ED, I fell in love with the song.
After I learnt that the musical sebastian is done by the same person who sing that song, my interest quirked. 
Indeed, the musical didn't disappoint me. I love all the songs inside, and the casts that they find: Grell and Mei Rin to be specificed, I have to say, they are both VERY alike to the anime-character. 




Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Kuroshitsuji Season II Ending, New Moon Drop Special Translation

SPOILER AHEAD!!

First season of Kuroshitsuji ended with Sebastian trying to take Ciel's soul.

Summary:


Second season begins with introduction of new characters i.e., Alois Trancy and his demon butler, Claude.
Sebastian re-entered the scene with lifeless Ciel, and he re-awakened Ciel at the start of season 2. Up until now, we are all in puzzled as to why Ciel has not died.




Story portrayed Alois Trancy, a character that never appeared in manga, as having a contrast opposite personality with Ciel Phantomhive. Alois Trancy shows his weakness to his butler, cling desperately to him, and  considers him as someone precious. HOwever, Ciel Phamtohive never shows his weakness to anyone, including Sebastian, disregards his help, and considers him as his pawn in his games. This was portrayed well in the Opening song of Kuroshitsuji II.


This characteristic personality makes Ciel a special soul that even Claude wanted to consume his soul.

Ahem.. forgive me for the perv mind. :XD:

It was later revealed that Claude had stolen Ciel soul when Sebastian was about to take Ciel. Sebastian was angry as he who waited by his master side for so long, carried out all his orders and in the end, would not be satisfied to consume an incomplete soul. He returned to the mansion with Ciel, who apparently has lost memories that he had already avenged for his parents. The demons then made a pact, for they both did not want an incomplete Ciel, to made Alois Trancy as a target of Ciel's revenge.

Alois and Ciel faced each other finally in a duet when their butlers are fighting.
Alois wins?
guess again.
Alois beg for his life.
but he didn't succeed.. this a pic of ciel slapping sebby for stopping him. watch on youtube, and close your eyes, listen to the slapping sound.. something dirty came to your ears. :D :D :D this only for fujoshii!!


another fangirl service. :D 
Okay, on with the story..


When Claude first tasted Ciel's blood (i.e, his soul) he realized that Ciel's soul is that soul he wanted. He killed Alois who he came to detest and sealed his soul in Trancy family ring for further use. He mixed up his memories with Ciel's and made Ciel think that Sebastian was the one who killed his brother, Luka. (Luka  was Alois's brother.)

Sebastian was ordered to disappear from his sight. He who still has the contract bound was forced to leave.


Hannah revived Alois's soul and conscious within Ciel's body and made Alois taken over Ciel's body.
He then made both butlers to go through a maze to obtain Ciel's soul.
In the end, we see that it was actually Hannah another demon who made a contract with Luka, and burnt the village, and thus having his soul consumed by Hannah. Hannah had came to love Luka. And thus, Hannah had stayed by Alois's side because Luka represents him very much. After learning the truth, Alois turned his back towards both butlers. When Ciel gradually regained his memories, he gave order to Sebastian.
"Come and eat my soul, until you have done that, to the very end, you're my butler."
to which Sebastian obeyed.



Ciel immediately loss consciousness and taken over by Alois.
Alois then made a contract with Hannah when both butlers struggled their ways to get to Ciel.

The final wishes:
are for the butlers to fight against each others. Only one demon will survive.
But neither will obtain Ciel's soul.
For Ciel will be reborn as a demon.




Sebastian won the match, but on his way to retrieve his prize, he was told about the wish.
Ciel awakened with the same red eyes as Sebastian in the water. To his anger, Sebastian plucked his fist into Ciel's stomach, OUCH... and blood splashed...

My thought was after Sebastian heard was Hannah said, he was trying to get to Ciel and killed him when he was still human. But Ciel woke up before he could deliver the death, frustrated, Sebastian released his anger into the little body.

Ciel of course.. survived, for he has became a demon who is immortal.
Sebastian is tied to him for eternity with no rewards because contract is still valid. He who could not consume his soul for his soul was no longer human, and because of the last order his master made (to be his bulter until the very end).


and Ciel Phantomhive died as a human.


First seeing the ending, I feel dis-satisfied.
This ending, made one feel as if Alois Trancy has obtained his triumph over everything even if he's dead. And Ciel does not at all sounds like himself after he became a demon.
From some angle, we can also perceive it as Ciel has won over this battle, he obtained his revenge, and at the same time, turned the table over on Sebastian and still has his pawn over him.
It depends on how you see it.
Furthermore, with this relationship, they remained to be master-servant for eternity, and the story gets to continue on.


If you had read my previous blogs, you'd have known I'm a fan of yaoi. So, for the rest of the story, if you're agaisnt yaoi pairing please redirect yourself away from this page.
Sebastian seemed to shows more affection towards Ciel. He regards Ciel's as his own, and shows jealousy and when Ciel let Claude kissed his foot. It made me giggled when I saw it.



This was also said by Ono Daisuke himself. If you don't know, Ono Daisuke is the seiryuu for Sebastian. He numerously stated that he has difficulty getting himself in Sebastian's character for he is not a person who can act so seriously with such low voice. Anyway, he says in a open seiryuu meeting with fans "New Moon Drop Special" after OVA
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMjcxNDY1OTU2.html
 were done that Sebastian shows more human side of himself. Aside from jealousy, he shows sorrow, and smiles.


Top five scenes that were chosen by fans during the New Moon Drop special:
5. Will looking for his specs

4. Alois killed by Claude in the end of episode 8
Seiryuu Sakurai Takahiro comments that his own character's personality was clearly portrayed in this scene. His demon personality. This scene, supposingly to be a slow-motion scene, was brought out so sudden yet so briefly in one blink of second. It shows how Claude was suitably a demon in origin.

3. Claude walking in the hallway, open the window and shout out, "ciel phantomhive's soul is trualy a good thing~!!"  (Episode 10)
Other than to voice out his satisfaction, he said this to purposely annoy Sebastian too, for he knows he's nearby stalking them. hahaha.

2. The first appearance Ciel and Sebastian made in episode 1. When Sebastian took Ciel out of the suitcase and put his ring on. Fans stated that it was a total surprise because it was not expected that both characters will come back in Season 2. Same for me as well, because summary of Season 2 obviously stated nothing about this pairing. And thus I was most joyed as well to see them came back and that season 2 actually focus more on the first pairing rahter than the new one.
Ono Daisuke said that he was rather tensed when he had to voice out as Sebastian again for the first time after so long gap with season 1. Last year he was asked, "did you eat Ciel's soul in the end?" He said that it was hard to keep it a secret when he was asked to keep "Sebastian is coming back to the season" as a secret. It was burning at him that he wanted to shout it out to us during that interview previous year! And all the other seiryuus nod their heads incessantly. Hahaha. :)





1.... (rolls drum)
The last scene Ciel and Sebastian made.
Ciel becamse demon, Sebastian held the demon in his hand in bridal mode, standing in the field of roses, walking off with "Yes, My Lord" sounding at the end.

They are bound to each other forever...

Okay, there are some special events that seiryuu made their appearances.
All can be download from Aarinfantasy.com/forum.
First seiryuu event was in 2009, where they also announced as a surprise to audience that season 2 is confirmed.
Second seiryuu event named Red Valentines 2010 Jan, was held.
I had fun watching these events, but I hate to say, the translations available is very limited. I couldn't find a perfect translation for both videos.
As I can only guide you breifly where to get these translations.
First seiryuu event, read it from http://datekouji20.livejournal.com/tag/kuroshitsuji
Second seiryuu event, no direction, some suggested to find it on http://forums.blackbutler.net/ but I could not download from the section, i think you might have to register or something, but I watch the translated version in chinese from tudou.com.


Oh, and there's musical too.. I want to write about the musical parts in other blog. so here's just a brief direction to guide.Both Sebastian are played by the singer who sang the ending "bird" for season 2 ending.
Second musical: The most beautiful DEATH in the world:
http://v.pps.tv/play_30I2DS.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aNkgb5flD4
In english sub: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0pjXxNTjNk

More info go to my next blog: http://lisse88.blogspot.com/2012/01/kuroshitsuji-musicals-1-and-2-download.html